the_disappearing_librarian

My sisters have both been amazing since I started my #newmein2017 healthier lifestyle journey.  They have supported me, encouraged me, busted my ass when I strayed off task, and been a huge cheering section.  My older sister, Sherie, even sends me motivational memes almost everyday and I love getting them.  She seems to always know which one I need to see that day.  The most recent meme she sent me said :  You are too smart to be the only thing standing in your way!"  This is my new motto. I am officially down 27 pounds since 2/9/17 and I feel so much better.  I do NOT ever want to go back to where I was.  My goal is to lose 200lbs.  So I am 1/8th of the way to my goal.  Do I still have days when I ask myself why am I doing this? What's the point?  YES< I do, but then I look over the blogs I have written and the Facebook posts I have made and I read the comments people have said about me inspiring them, and it makes me realize ...

So I know it has been a few days since I last posted.  I was taking advantage of my spring break and did not post anything.  I am back now and while there is quite a bit I would like to say, some of it I will not. I am an emotional person.  I am sensitive.  I am caring to a fault (I will help anyone out in their time of need and I will give anything I can give to help them.)  I love with my whole heart and soul.  I try not to be that.  I try to build walls.  I try to harden my heart. But my fatal flaw, to some it would seem, is that I do fall hard. I do care too much.  I do love too much.  I can't help it, that is the way I am.  So I trust everyone!  Have I ever placed trust in someone that has turned around and hurt me?  HELL YES!!  That is how I was raped.   That is how I was cheated on multiple times, because I forgive. I used to forgive and forget....but it is getting harder for me to forget the instances...

I have hope.  I have faith. I have love. Hope.  I have hope that I can continue on my journey to a newer, fitter, and healthier me.  There are some days, especially the past two weeks, when combined with other things going on in my life, that I just want to throw my hands up and quit. BUT, I then tell myself that my excuse has always been that it is too tough.  No more excuses.   I have hope that one day I will be a mother.  Whether it is to children that I bear myself (not likely at this point) or by adoption.  I have so much love to give a child, and I want to be a mother so much, that I know somehow and someway that is in my life plans. Faith.  I have faith that God put me on this earth to accomplish certain tasks and that I am not yet finished with his plans.  I have faith that he set me on this journey to do better and be better.  I have faith that despite what is printed in his word and how others translate that, he wants me...

Recently I have noticed just how much disrespect there is around us.  I'm not sure if I am just getting more sensitive to it or if it is on the rise again.  I know when I was growing up if I was half as disrespectful as what I see now, my daddy would have worn my hide out.  We, as citizens of the planet earth, need to be more cognizant of how we act, how we treat others, and how we are judged by our actions. Some examples: 1.) When walking on the trail at the Marine Corps Museum yesterday I had the displeasure to be the target of some disrespect.  Now, I will be the first to admit that I am a big girl...always have been...but I AM TRYING to get better at my eating habits, and my exercise.  I was walking on the trail, had just finished one of the sections at an incline, and was hot & sweaty.  I passed a group of young Marines that were there, in uniform, minding my own business when I heard one of them make a comment directed to his friends, about me...

Wow. Wow. Wow.  That is all I can say.  It has been 7 and 1/2 weeks since I started my journey to a #newmein2017.  54 Days!  I have truly surprised myself in a good way and it continues to make me so very happy. I have learned to be patient.  I have learned that I am capable of so much more.  For years I used every excuse I could think of as to why I was unable to exercise and lose weight.  My back hurt. My knee hurt. My ankle hurt. Healthy food was too expensive.  I didn't like water.  You name it, I gave it as an excuse. NO MORE!! I have a workout routine that I use daily.  I try to only take one day off from workouts a week.  I am committed.  I have the passion and the drive to do better and do more.  I have more energy, and increased sex drive, I am happier and I can't tell you other than for something special, the last time I actually sat down and watched TV.  A huge step from someone that spent years just si...